Trauma is Not a Competition

It has been a year of great loss to the human condition. It has been a year of great loss for our children, our purpose, and our plans. It has been a year of great personal loss for everyone.

It is so important to acknowledge something here. No one’s loss can be measured against the next person. There is no way to compare something so personal. Least of all to quantify one hurt as more damaging than another.

It is natural to prioritize and compartmentalize our own traumas and losses against each other. We rate them and decide where they figure in, in our own lives, as far as what we allow to take space in our minds and hearts, how much and when. This is, of course our right to make those hard decisions. WE are living this life.

What will always remain unacceptable is invalidation or quantifying of your hurts by someone else. Someone who is not living your life. There is no one who gets to tell you when, how or how much to acknowledge your own hurts. There is no one who gets to gossip about your traumas and own a space of importance in your mind or heart. There is no one who gets to decide whether your loss is “important” enough. There is no one normal who would measure your trauma against theirs and decide, “mine is worse”.

If you have anyone in your life who is consistently and openly “rating” your feelings and deciding they are somehow less impactful or meaningful than their own experience, gently separate yourself from them. There should never be someone in your life attempting to trump your hurt. It is wholly invalidating.

Higher levels of trauma and loss do not make us “the winner”. What it does give us is a purpose and knowledge to help others through similar circumstances and to do good from our own bad. It should teach us to support.

Allow others their own pain. It is neither your right to measure it or to compare to your own. There are no “winners” in loss and pain.

SG2❀

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