Thinking Out Loud on Paper

Life changes so drastically from one moment to the next. We remain ourselves at heart through all of it. Only do we really? There is honestly no way to explore this without considering the Chicken or the Egg scenario.

Are we tough because we are predisposed and nurtured to be so, or have we grown tough to protect our hearts from a lifetime of loss and seemingly daily struggle. Pain if we are putting it simply.

Are we patient and forgiving because we are predisposed and nurtured to be so, or have we learned it through practicing these characteristics so that we can teach grace to those we have encountered who are lacking both.

The same questions can be asked of every trait with which we define ourselves. The list and wondering could go on and on.

I have thought about these things a lot over the past few years as the mountain became steeper and much less solid under my feet. I maybe never gave much thought to why I am who I am but my 40’s have brought an awareness and needed enlightenment that I have overlooked most of my life.

I have begun to realize that, yes, we remain who we are at heart. But, I believe that is always fluctuating and always has. So often and so drastically in fact that it can become difficult to delineate our genetic predispositions from traits we have developed out of necessity over time.

Either way, we are, no doubt, who we are and the reasons why are closer to us and more unique to our own hearts than the experience, nurturing or predispositions in themselves.

I know for sure that is always important to look at the Why, and never stop looking at that. Even if you start late! Life is rarely Just Because and learning the Why of ourselves becomes a powerful tool for change!



  1. I’ve definitely contemplated these thoughts. In my early 20’s I look a look at my Mom and decided I did not want to be like her. That led me down a dark path of being very passive, being a victim, and all sorts of shitty things. As I got healthier, I very consciously cultivated who I wanted to be, but I believe that I am uncovering my true self. This beautiful woman I am becoming was meant to be, she was buried deep down under the trauma and suffering. My family of origin/genetics provided the hard lessons I needed to get where I am today. (As painful as it has been.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your experience! Oh, it’s so hard, isn’t it, to see our parents as their true selves and understand, at some point, exactly the effect it all had on us and attempt to reconcile it? It’s lifelong work it seems to “heal” our way in to our true selves. I always love to hear when other women are doing this work because there is SO much we have to strip away and relearn/unlearn to be at our absolute healthiest mentally. We are emotional sponges and a time comes where we have to purge out what’s been weighing us down. It is painful I can attest 100% ❤ But in the end so freeing and exciting!

      Liked by 1 person

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