The Only Child has a special place in my heart.
Both because I have one…and because I am very much not one.
When EM was born, life had not yet become difficult. It had not yet become a daily battlefield. It was a time of great hope, excitement, and an almost sure view of longevity for all of us. Almost sure.
I had pastel filtered daydreams of that one child. Giving her everything. No doling out among more than one. No spreading of attention. No worry that you’re doing it “right”. No worry anyone will feel left out. No worry that something was unfair.
I envisioned traveling, me and my girl. Showing her the world. Creating an unbreakable bond with this little lady in the making.
The pretty clothes. The joy of just being a girl as she grew. Laughing. Heartaches. Exploring every interest.
…What would she grow to be with all the focus and resources meant for and given to only her? She was sure to thrive.
The Only Child is a special child.
It was soon to follow that I realized our life would be colored much differently than the soft vignette I’d always imagined. Darker maybe, for a while at least.
We adjusted to what was normal and hid away those beautiful visions. No thoughts of breaking away. For a while.
We adjusted the vision. Life changed. And changed again. And again. From battlefield to a safe clearing and back again. It is always changing. We are still adjusting the vision.
Because one thing has not changed in these last twenty years. One thing will never change in twenty more. She will always be my Only. And she will always recieve my everything no matter the obstacle or setback. I will never have worries about that. She will always be my Only.
And, we will always be adjusting that vision.